Here is some funny diet stuff!
these excuses are why diets dont work!
1. But the doughnut was calling my name.
2. I felt left out because they were eating.
3. But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.
4. The kids over seas are starving, so naturally I have to clean my plate.
5. I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish,
so I had a ice cream.
6. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
7. If you drink a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the calories in the chocolate
bar are canceled out by the diet coke.
8. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more
than they do.
9. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy,
toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
10. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
11. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
Exception: Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no FAT content, low in calories,
lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
12. Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples
are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted
for any other food colour.
13. Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories
fall out.
THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE
~ If you've got melted
chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices &
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from
the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll
take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake
of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on
top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
~
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each
other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
~
Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ Put "eat chocolate"
at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
~A nice box of chocolates
can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
~If you can't eat all your chocolate,
it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~If not for chocolate,
there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that
happen, can you?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. When I'm not in my right mind, my left
mind gets pretty crowded.
Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic
Calories
can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous
activities that do not require physical exercise.
Exercise..............................Calories
burned per hour
Beating around the bush.....................................75
Jumping to conclusions......................................100
Climbing
the walls............................................150
Swallowing your pride.........................................50
Passing
the buck................................................25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight)...........................50-300
Dragging
your heels..........................................100
Pushing your luck.............................................250
Making
mountains out of molehills......................500
Hitting the nail on the head................................50
Wading
through paperwork................................300
Bending over backwards.....................................75
Jumping
on the bandwagon...............................200
Balancing the books..........................................25
Running
around in circles..................................350
Eating crow....................................................225
Tooting
your own horn.......................................25
Climbing the ladder of success..........................750
Pulling
out the stops.........................................75
Adding fuel to the fire......................................160
Wrapping
it up at the day's end..........................12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening
a can of worms ...................................50
Putting your foot in your mouth........................300
Starting
the ball rolling.....................................90
Going over the edge.........................................25
Picking
up the pieces......................................350
Let's all get out there and burn some calories!
Dont blame chocolate éclair, it was a funny looking stick of celery!
