If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come there are so many dead rabbits on the roads?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!

Why is it you have a "pair" of Knickers and only one bra?

How come when I call the Information Hotline they can't tell me where my keys are?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? they should be called builts!

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

How do you KNOW it's new and improved dog food?

Why do they put locks on the doors of 24-hour stores?

Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

I do whatever my Alphabet soup tells me to.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? (no pockets)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why isnt 11 pronounced onety one?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

It's a small world. My Advice? use your elbows a lot!

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?