|
1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.
3)
Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
4) Blow your nose
and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
5)
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".
6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
7) Sell not to be sold seperately crisps!
8) On a long
ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
9) Shave.
10) Crack open your briefcase or bag, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"
11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Wear yours upside-down.
12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner,
facing the wall, without getting off
13) When arriving at your floor,
grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
16) One word: Flatulence!
17) On the highest floor, hold
the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
18) Do Tai Chi exercises.
19) Stare, grinning, at another
passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
20)
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.
22) Miaow occasionally.
23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
25)
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
26) Sing "Mary
had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
27) Holler "Chutes
away!" whenever the elevator descends.
28) Walk on with a cooler that
says "human head" on the side.
29) Stare at another passenger for a while,
then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
30)
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
31) Leave a box between the doors.
32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through"
it.
34) Start a sing-along.
35)
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
36)
Play the harmonica.
37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
38) Lean against the button panel.
39) Say "I wonder what
all these do" and push the red buttons.
40) Listen to the elevator walls
with a stethoscope.
41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and
announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
42)
Bring a chair along.
43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger:
"Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
44) Blow spit bubbles.
45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
46)
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
47)
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48) Make explosion noises
when anyone presses a button.
49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively
at other passengers.
50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting
larger."
51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the
toilet. Can I use your bag?"
52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be
great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"
53)
Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes
53) Without letting
anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you
killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has
happened.
54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're
all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"
55)
Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea
56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you
57)
Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get
in, get your paper out and sit and relax
58) Start to talk about your sexlife.
Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
59) Have sex with your imaginary friend
60) Say you have
just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you
61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"
62) Offer to
polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia
63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one
pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning
the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
64) Perform
a striptease
65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND
IS FALLING!"
66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce
that it was your best ever
67) Let your mobile phone ring - dont anwser
it.
68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking
and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"
69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.
70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"
71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie
it on the floor
72)Paint the walls of the lift.
73) On entering, ask the passengers if they want to be your friend. Burst into tears if they say no.
74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift
after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"
75) Get back to nature -
go in naked
76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset
"this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"
78) Serve tea and coffee
79) Take shoes off before entering,
Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont
80) Act like the sergent
of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.
81) Suggest
to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too
82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right
83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will
never forget them.
84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50
85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"
86)
Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to
do in an emergency
87) Yodel
88)
Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get
on your nerves" Over and over again.
90) Ask the others "Do you mind if
I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.
91)
Try breakdancing
92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next
to you "you lookin' at me?"
93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to
a "thumb war".
94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.
95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"
96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."
97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you little scamp
beast, die DIIEEE!"
98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper,
"Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
99) If anyone brushes against
you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head
Here are 19 differnt things to do in a public toilet!
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that colour before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop an object into the toilet bowl from a high place
and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while
yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of
your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor
visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
Here are 27 tips to stress busting!
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of things to do that you have already done
Dance naked in front of your pets.
Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Drive to work in reverse.
Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
Tell you boss to "blow it out your donkey" and let him figure it out.
Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
Polish your car with earwax.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
Braid the hairs in each nostril.
Write a short story using alphabet soup.
Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
Make a language up and ask people for directions in it.
Replace the filling of a eclair with ketchup and put it back in the bakery box.
Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
Here are 18 things that you dont want to hear while in an operation!!
Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the cleaner - we're going to need a mop.
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that... uh... thingie.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of em.
I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..
Cool! Now make his leg twitch!
Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
|
